I will not write a bunch of what I personally feel to be lies about what sobriety is like. I will not tell you that my life is ONLY peaches and creams because I am sober because that’s just not the truth. I’m going to be real with you… Tell you both sides. The good and the bad. Because that’s just life! If anyone tells you differently, they’re not being honest with themselves or with you. Our life here on Earth was not meant to be perfect. But life here on Earth isn’t my final destination. Everlasting life in Heaven with Christ is. That’s the good news.
Just because I’m sober now, doesn’t mean life stops happening. It doesn’t mean people stop dying. I recently lost a good friend from high school who was fighting in the war over in Afghanistan. He was a Marine. I barely had a year of sobriety when this happened. But, I knew drinking or using wouldn’t make it any better; it would only make things worse. Instead, I cried a lot and talked about how I felt. I prayed for his family and that helped to get my mind off of my grief. I also found out he had become a Christian and I know I’ll see him again one day.
I’m back in counseling now to work through those issues I couldn’t face before. It’s still not easy, but I know I’ve suffered long enough. And to be honest, its really not as hard as I had imagined it to be. God does things for me that I cannot do for myself. My relationship with my family is slowly getting better. I know I need to be more patient with them and I hope and pray everyday that they won’t always see me as the person I used to be. But, I am slowly letting go of that. I know who I am now. I can’t do anymore to rectify the past than what I have done thus far. My confidence is growing slowly and for the first time in my life, I honestly believe I am worth so much more than I ever thought. I am God’s child! That truly means everything to me! A friend in the twelve-step program said it best “I’m not special because of who I am, but I am special because of whose I am.” And the main thing I had to decide and realize was that I didn’t get sober for anybody else! I did it/I’m still doing it for me! It’s the best amends I can make to the people I love and its the best gift I can give myself and to my Heavenly Father who loves me!
I also had my first child, my baby boy this past May. I have written about him in my posts and wanted to update it here as well. He is the light of my life and a true miracle. Doctor’s had told me six or seven years ago that I would probably not be able to have children unless I went through fertility treatments. I guess God had other plans for my life because my son is here!!! I did have an emergency c-section, but everything else has been wonderful. I am so thankful for everything that God has done for me in my life, the good and the bad. Without all of it, I wouldn’t be who I am today.