Gone

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Why does it seem like everything ends
just as it is beginning
A beautiful friendship
Lost in the crowd
of popularity and confusion
How do I get it back
I don’t think I can
No regrets until now
A spur of the moment night
turns a lifetime into dust
It’s all gone
The love, the memories and emotions
lost forever in this world full of chaos
Day after day, getting worse
and there’s nothing I can do about it
but think and worry and wonder and cry
Is it gone forever
Anything can happen and everything did
That is my problem
Now it’s over and I’m all alone
It’s gone forever

~Written by Tabitha~

Where Is God?

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Where is God when my pain is strong
and I feel like I can’t go on
Does He stay by my side through all the hard times
or does He just leave and stay gone

Where is God when I am scared to death
and I don’t know where to turn
Does He walk next to me and keep me safe
or does He leave me alone to burn

Where is God when I am mourning a loss
and my heart has been broken in two
Does He carry me through these times
or does He expect me to know what to do

Where is God when my anger is rising
and I don’t know what to do
Does He help me to stay calm through these times
or does He sit back and watch the view

Where is God when I am happy for once
and my worries go away
Does He rejoice with me
or does He just leave for the day

Where is God when I am just living my life
Taking it day by day
I know where He is, He is right by my side
He always will be, in every way

~Written by Tabitha~

So Many Emotions

Fear still consumes me
even after all these years
I still wake up at nightemotions(1)
wiping away so many tears

Confusion is what fills my soul
I don’t know how I should feel
Sometimes I’m mad and sometimes I”m sad
But I’m hoping one day I’ll be healed

I don’t know who I should trust
or how to stop the stress
I wish I could love and be loved in return
I can’t accept anything less

God, please take the pain away
I’m ready to let it go
I need to have a normal life
I have to stop feeling so low

The memories I have will stay with me
This is something I’ll never forget
But I have to forgive and release it all
Hey, happiness, it’s about time we met

~Written by Tabitha~

A Poem For Doug

20121203-121716.jpgWhy am I so lost
I don’t know what to do
I think about you always
My feelings are nothing new
Since the day you left
My heart has not been whole
I have an emptiness inside
No one could take your role
I feel so helpless
I’m hurting inside
There’s nothing I can do
Why did you have to die
Now I can’t say I love you
I have no one to call my dad
You’re out of my life forever
My life just seems so sad
My anger is overflowing
It wasn’t your time to go
You took your own life
How could you do something so low
Selfish is how I describe you
You left without saying good-bye
Now I’m stuck here coping
Trying not to cry
But I am still so strong
I’ve made it through okay
I’m getting on with my life
Taking it day by day
I wish I had one last chance
So you could know how I feel
I wish you knew my pain
I wish that it wasn’t real

~Written by Tabitha~

 

Grieving Heart

My heart fills with grief for children I have not ever met
Yet, I know they live in torment,
we see it on out T.V. setstears
All around the world,
children abused, starve and die
My mind just races as I pray for them
and often wonder why
When will the day come
that our children might be safe
Will the anguish and torment stop
or is it already too late
We are often consumed
with the details of our little world
But what about all of these
other little boys and girls

~Written by Tabitha~

When Life Hurts

32c6ed75-6816-4c94-809d-9856ffd3ab0dWhen life hurts or doesn’t make sense
Remember you are not alone
Always know God is there with you
You will never be alone

There are days in our lives when it’s hard to find hope
and we just don’t know how to go on
But, with God by our side, there’s nothing to fear
because we have that special bond

We are His children, so dear
no matter what happens in life
Never have doubt of our Father’s love
His promises will never die

God knows that we live in a hell on earth
and He mourns right by our side
That’s why He has prepared a special place
He calls it a paradise

~Written by Tabitha~

Writing

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Writing has been my escape
from a world that has hurt me so
It heals me in a special way
when I feel so very low
It’s difficult to express my thoughts
Some days I shut down inside
But pen and paper can’t hurt my heart
and has never criticized
For several years I have written a lot
when I have felt so very alone
My writing has become my friend
when my thoughts begin to roam
As time has passed and days have gone by
I have shared the talents God gave to me
I used to hide it from the world
But now, I hope it may help others to heal
~Written by Tabitha~

Why?

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I have turned to God and asked Him “Why?”
so many times throughout my life
and even though I didn’t understand
I know He heard my cries

The days went on and the nights passed by
just like they always do
and I know He was there watching over me
always saying “I love you”

During hardships and trials, I felt so alone
I thought nobody knew my pain
Even though I hadn’t told anyone
The Lord was walking with me in the rain

The trials won’t end until I leave this earth
That is the one thing I know for sure
but I also know God will be holding my hand
even when there doesn’t seem to be a cure

~Written by Tabitha~

To My Brother

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You became the “man” of our house
at only ten-years old
You helped us walk through those bitter, dark days
while you were also suffering the cold

I will never forget how your love shone through
and how you always stuck by my side
I know that’s something that will never change
I have always felt that inside

I can never express how much you mean to me
or how much I look up to you
You’re now that daddy we needed then
I am so very proud of you

Although we never had that “dad”
we wanted and needed back then
There’s a man in my life I know I can count on
and right there you’ve always been.

~Written by Tabitha~

Daily Prompt-Audience of One from November 30, 2012

I was reading through some blogs that I follow and I came across a daily prompt from November 30, 2012.  Picture the one person in the world you really wish were reading your blog. Write her or him a letter.

I like this prompt a lot. I immediately thought of my biological father. There were so many things left unsaid and so many questions left unanswered. I would want him to read my blog to know how his life and choices affected me and my life. I actually have a poem that fits this perfectly. Here it is.

Do you realize what you have taken from me
Well I’ll take some time to explain
The obvious things you have done to me
have caused me tremendous pain

The first time you touched me “inappropriately”
I was only two-years oldWhat a sick human being you were
Your heart was always so cold

You were supposed to be my daddy, my hero
Someone I could always trust
Instead you were the enemy
to every one of us

I always remember being so depressed
even as a very young girl
I would hide in my room and just cry
You had destroyed my entire world

You continued with the abuse
as I grew a little bit older
You had stripped away my innocence
and the days began to get colder

The control you had was unbelievable
You knew exactly what to say and do
You made me scared but at the same time,
I wanted to be loved by you

I guess you never had that love to give
You were always too selfish to care
Now you are gone from this earth
It does not seem very fair

The scars I have you cannot see
but they are very real and deep
They will always be there to remind me
that it is okay for us to weep

I mourn the loss of my childhood
That little girl so brave
I imagine hugging her tightly
and making everything okay

Even though you are my father
I am sometimes relieved you passed away
because now you can’t hurt anyone else
It is just me who still  has to pay

I do hope you are okay
wherever you may be
I will still always love you
no matter what you have done to me