I have been thinking a lot lately, about so many things. I am a new mom to a wonderful six and a half month old son and I know that has obviously been another huge life changing experience for me. I knew during my pregnancy that I was at a higher risk for postpartum depression because of already having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder so I discussed it with my doctors and family and tried not to think about it. I was not on any medications during my pregnancy. I had been on several prior but I knew about the risks to my unborn child so I at least wanted to give it a good try at not taking any medications. I did exceptionally well while I was pregnant. In fact, I felt better than when I was on my meds, even while I had severe morning sickness and was having to empty my bladder every few minutes. Lol.
However, there was something I had not heard anything about. It is now interesting to me to think about how much information is given about postpartum depression and how little information, if any at all, is given about postpartum anxiety. I honestly had no idea that this even existed, until I started to go through it myself. I thought that I must be going crazy. It became severe very quickly. I wasn’t sleeping at night or anytime if my son was asleep because I was so fearful that he could die in his sleep. I was only able to rest if someone else was home with us too and was awake to make sure he was okay. I sought help immediately, although I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. Part of me believed that every new mom had the same fears, anxieties, etc. and I had people around me who were saying that to me. They just did not see how severe it was. I am sure that it is normal for every mom with a newborn, whether you have went through it before or not, to have fears, worries and anxieties. The difference is that I was starting to not be able to function. It was causing me to become sick emotionally, mentally and physically.
I agreed to start some medication, as long as it is only part of my treatment and only temporary. I no longer believe that I will have to take medications for the rest of my life to function. The treatment that I know is helping and will help the most in the end is counseling. I have went to counseling on and off for around twenty years or so and I have had several negative and a few positive experiences with it. Luckily, I believe the counselor I have now is a true Christian and things are going quite well. Things are still not easy. I do not believe that is how life works. Life will be easy when we get to Heaven.
It seems as if one area of my life starts to improve, a different area is starting to go downhill. I think God has a way of making sure that we still remember Him and to stay close to Him. I know for me, if things are going too well, it is easy for me to get off track where it comes to my relationship with God. I do my best to feel fortunate for the difficult times as well as the good because I know when things are not going as well for me, I always reach towards God. Now I just have to work a little more on praising Him just as much when things are tough.
I Chose To Live 